Die-tanic!!

Some souls come together to build a liner, name it ‘Titanic’ and claim that it shall never sink. And it sinks and makes news that is etched as one of the horrible sea disasters of the century. Armed with this fact, almost ninety years later, someone interweaves a tragic love story between two beings who probably would never have met in their whole blissful lives and makes a film and it goes on win the greatest accolades to be won. Absolutely pristine and nothing to be changed, it is almost certain that Cameron himself would have changed nothing, if at all he were given all the money needed to make that masterpiece again. Although this would entirely be different news that, if at all the film were to be made in Hindi, Jack would have been Jagga and Rose would have been Gulabo; Alka Yagnik would have sung instead of Celine Dion.

So when it comes to so much that you are made to stand along dire straits, and some wise guys across the pipe hang a bait, not only is it freaky but I feel like going on air prime time and shout live, ‘Hey Mr. Cameron, you now have competition’ and just for the sake of pulling out some loose wires, I shall make a rule book called ‘The Titanic Ten Pointer Rule Book with the help of which ‘smarty pants’ inner voice says that I can cook this up.
1. ‘Corsets are not fashionable any more except in case of an injury. Unintentional ‘close encounters’ may be a hindrance’.

2. The Titanic measures almost nine storeys in height and it has been fitted with whale slicing rotors. Falling from such a height is similar to falling head-on a concrete ground. Even if you escape unhurt, those rotors will take care of you. Think before attempting a suicide ‘Am I the child of the lesser God to die such a death? It is really pathetic when no one is around.

3. ‘No standing on the deck especially with partners. Spreading arms is strictly prohibited’.

4. ‘No spitting in the ocean. Plainclothes Greenpeace activists aboard the ship may prohibit you from future voyages’ for such inexplicable behaviour.’

5. ‘Voyeurism (under the pretext of art) is strictly prohibited. No painting nude women. You are no Da Vinci and don’t act as one, even if you used to sell your paintings at the evening markets for ten bucks a piece’.

6. ‘No sex in the cargo area especially inside cars marked for shipment; Automobile companies have all the right to sue you for the mess.’

7. ‘Contraceptives could be of great help if you ever leave on a long voyage. You shall also at least attempt to clean yourself after the ‘act’.’

8. ‘No kissing in public (except in case of emergency mouth to mouth resuscitation). You can be booked for criminal charges relating to intentional activity to cause purposeful distraction of people on duty and thus triggering endangerment to the lives of your co-passengers’.

9. ‘You shall share the life saving equipment in any form among your co-passengers irrespective of their gender, for equal interval of time periodically in case of emergency and shall not act selfish, until rescue arrives’.

10. ‘You shall not act as a nincompoop as to throw away precious stones in to the ocean. Vaults are a better place to store them and you shall be rich any time’.

Here are these pointers that can really distort and skew the original story to such a dimension that no one would actually not want to have a look at this pickle.
So for the concession, I can only relax the pointers numbered one, three, five, six, seven and eight. Go ahead and enjoy the trip with Rose or Gulabo aboard the Titanic. But be sure to reach the other end safely. Tuck or slip in a solar powered non de-flat able satellite navigated foldable boat with space for two and other provisions in to the ship. (Hey wait, am I scripting for 007!!) Use it in case of an emergency; save your sweat heart and yourself and live happily ever after.

But I wonder, that if the engineers ever had a slightest inkling of that fact that the ship may in some probability pose a huge risk as it did to its passengers, ‘Die-tanic’ would have sounded better!!