Monday, October 05, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
…of endoscopes and biliary stasis
How would you like to put up through a marathon writhing stomach ache for a non-stop 8 hours each day?
How would it feel to stare at the blank dark ceiling clutching your abdomen while the whole world sleeps?
How would you feel to have NOT contributed to the next killer pitch when your team slogs it out?
How would it like to have a constant barrage of pills in place of a chewing gum?
How would it feel to not feel like coming to work?(that would be nice, eh? – but not for long)
How you feel when the medic pushes in a meter-long probe down your throat without anesthesia while you make noises from the Jurassic era?!
How would it feel if your stomach lining burns more than your body fat?
How would you feel on the dinner table when you are forced to have the greenest shrubs when your friend feasts on a 4 course full Indian meal?
How would you feel when the latest words you have in your vocab are only from a medical compendium?
You may be a super-worker, your boss’ blue-eyed girl/boy or a miracle manager on whom the client has bet her/his entire fortune on but let’s get it straight from the beginning. In an industry as ours, where the only periodic physical motion is restricted to our carpals and the peristalsis of your abdomen is governed by an international time zone, this should be an eye-opener of sorts.
As my medic said “Follow the 5 golden rules and you’ll be fine”
• Walk at least 2 miles a day
• Eat regularly, periodically and in MODERATION
• Maintain your time lines (I am talking about your body clock here!)
• Avoid stress. Ease that temper
• Go easy on your smokes and spirits (yeah, sad but true!)
If you have managed this all, the bile in your stomach will behave! And as I realize, love your body and if you don’t, you’ll never know when your body stops loving you.
…and yeah, work will go on!
How would it feel to stare at the blank dark ceiling clutching your abdomen while the whole world sleeps?
How would you feel to have NOT contributed to the next killer pitch when your team slogs it out?
How would it like to have a constant barrage of pills in place of a chewing gum?
How would it feel to not feel like coming to work?(that would be nice, eh? – but not for long)
How you feel when the medic pushes in a meter-long probe down your throat without anesthesia while you make noises from the Jurassic era?!
How would it feel if your stomach lining burns more than your body fat?
How would you feel on the dinner table when you are forced to have the greenest shrubs when your friend feasts on a 4 course full Indian meal?
How would you feel when the latest words you have in your vocab are only from a medical compendium?
You may be a super-worker, your boss’ blue-eyed girl/boy or a miracle manager on whom the client has bet her/his entire fortune on but let’s get it straight from the beginning. In an industry as ours, where the only periodic physical motion is restricted to our carpals and the peristalsis of your abdomen is governed by an international time zone, this should be an eye-opener of sorts.
As my medic said “Follow the 5 golden rules and you’ll be fine”
• Walk at least 2 miles a day
• Eat regularly, periodically and in MODERATION
• Maintain your time lines (I am talking about your body clock here!)
• Avoid stress. Ease that temper
• Go easy on your smokes and spirits (yeah, sad but true!)
If you have managed this all, the bile in your stomach will behave! And as I realize, love your body and if you don’t, you’ll never know when your body stops loving you.
…and yeah, work will go on!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Seven-ed
Nothing’s constant but change…and Microsoft decided to keep this mantra alive. You may call me whatever you like, but I have been a true MS fan except for their IE series. So when they decided to roll out their Windows 7 beta, I was there. These guys seemed to have gotten their strategy right – create a buzz and keep the world waiting. At the CES 2009, Ballmer announced that the beta will be available for only the first 2.5 million users. And then began the frenzy. The servers could not bear the load and began to smoke out.
Not very strangely, the Windows 7 homepage behaved very funny on Firefox and I had to resort to IE and as you would already know that’s excruciatingly painful. Nevertheless, after continuously pinging their server for almost 3 hours post midnight, I could not get through the download button. Droopy eyes got droopier and I decided to crash only to realize that MS had tendered an apology (yet again!) confirming “huge demand” for the beta and mysteriously increased the cap to unlimited downloads for 6 weeks!!
The pipe at my home is not that fat. At a basic 256kbps/unlimited it’s kind of slow for today. And it took me a whopping two and half hours to push the mammoth installer to my desktop. A quick rip of the image to the DVD and I was ready to install it on my machine. The caveat was that it had to be on a new partition. Partition Magic 8 did its bit and I was sorted. In less than 25 minutes, my AMD dual core with a 2-gig memory absorbed it smoothly.
And there it was – a ‘spanking’ new OS, was it? Maybe, Vista a little jazzed up and considerably low on resources. The UAC has been done away with and that helped a lot. In the late 90s, a very famous software by the name of Webshots became an instant hit – for it could change desktop background at preset intervals. Take a bow MS - Windows 7 “incorporates” this feature as well. There is a buzz that the second beta and the RTM will feature an inbuilt AV (a fortified Windows Defender, maybe!!). IE is now on its eighth iteration with Web Slices and Accelerators built it. A download manager can still be missed. The Media Player is version 12 but that looked like nothing more than cosmetic. I missed the ‘Show desktop’ feature although there. MS now takes feedback seriously. The ‘Send Feedback’ link now is devoted to accepting feedback – suggestions, complaints, wants and all the brickbats that the user can throw at the developing team for them to consider and build in. All in all, a very smart move by MS to solicit all shortcomings from a wider group of worldwide audience and refine a product at zilch cost.
All in all, aficionados could probably try it. It could be real fun with some nifty little features thrown in. Mouse gestures, touch flows have been incorporated and that makes it a head turner but that comes at an additional cost, for it will not work with your current set up. Networking and adding new hardware is a breeze unlike Vista.
At the outset, Windows 7 may seem like a revamped Vista and nothing more – so much so that one might want to accord it the Windows Vista SP4 moniker. Despite its humongous market share, MS badly wants to beat Apple’s Snow Leopard due this winter and also better their image dented by Vista. Whatever it is, it’s fun, its jazz with a little bit of tweaks here and there.
In case, you need to catch up with this OS, hit this link, experience it and let me know what you think of 7. Get there, get ‘seven-ed’!.
Not very strangely, the Windows 7 homepage behaved very funny on Firefox and I had to resort to IE and as you would already know that’s excruciatingly painful. Nevertheless, after continuously pinging their server for almost 3 hours post midnight, I could not get through the download button. Droopy eyes got droopier and I decided to crash only to realize that MS had tendered an apology (yet again!) confirming “huge demand” for the beta and mysteriously increased the cap to unlimited downloads for 6 weeks!!
The pipe at my home is not that fat. At a basic 256kbps/unlimited it’s kind of slow for today. And it took me a whopping two and half hours to push the mammoth installer to my desktop. A quick rip of the image to the DVD and I was ready to install it on my machine. The caveat was that it had to be on a new partition. Partition Magic 8 did its bit and I was sorted. In less than 25 minutes, my AMD dual core with a 2-gig memory absorbed it smoothly.
And there it was – a ‘spanking’ new OS, was it? Maybe, Vista a little jazzed up and considerably low on resources. The UAC has been done away with and that helped a lot. In the late 90s, a very famous software by the name of Webshots became an instant hit – for it could change desktop background at preset intervals. Take a bow MS - Windows 7 “incorporates” this feature as well. There is a buzz that the second beta and the RTM will feature an inbuilt AV (a fortified Windows Defender, maybe!!). IE is now on its eighth iteration with Web Slices and Accelerators built it. A download manager can still be missed. The Media Player is version 12 but that looked like nothing more than cosmetic. I missed the ‘Show desktop’ feature although there. MS now takes feedback seriously. The ‘Send Feedback’ link now is devoted to accepting feedback – suggestions, complaints, wants and all the brickbats that the user can throw at the developing team for them to consider and build in. All in all, a very smart move by MS to solicit all shortcomings from a wider group of worldwide audience and refine a product at zilch cost.
All in all, aficionados could probably try it. It could be real fun with some nifty little features thrown in. Mouse gestures, touch flows have been incorporated and that makes it a head turner but that comes at an additional cost, for it will not work with your current set up. Networking and adding new hardware is a breeze unlike Vista.
At the outset, Windows 7 may seem like a revamped Vista and nothing more – so much so that one might want to accord it the Windows Vista SP4 moniker. Despite its humongous market share, MS badly wants to beat Apple’s Snow Leopard due this winter and also better their image dented by Vista. Whatever it is, it’s fun, its jazz with a little bit of tweaks here and there.
In case, you need to catch up with this OS, hit this link, experience it and let me know what you think of 7. Get there, get ‘seven-ed’!.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
The spirit bares their soul (pun intended)
It has been ages that I wrote something (Not that I have not been writing - if you leave my semester examinations that is). And these days everyone has been blogging. Yeah AK started it, Big B uses this to shoot out his load of 'complaints' and then SRK can't be left behind. Believe it or not, even our lip-squisher Hashmi has one. Yeah, he is promoting his 'Jannat' these days. Nice strategy to be promoting his flick just around the IPL, which in itself is the hot topic, courtesy the Rs. 2.8 crore slap that Bhajji landed on Sree. It seems Bhajji was about to book a monstrous H3 with the moolah. Poor him!! Now I feel Bhajji must have called Sym a monkey. The whole of India fuelled by our 'breaking-news' media supported him as if we were on a war with the Aussies. Not that I support Hayden calling him an 'obnoxious weed' or something, but something says that he must have done it. Nevertheless, no H3 for him – at least for 2 seasons. Boo hoo!
Don't even wanna switch on the TV for now. The software these days is only nauseating with channels showing nothing but reality TV. Nah, nothing against reality shows, but TRP bosses, can we move away from song and music shows. The only good stuff seems to be coming out from Discovery and NGC. And then there is this grand prix and IPL. Zee Studio seems to have a good collection of movies and I love this newly launched World Movies. Roadies 5.0 is coming to an end and it is so obvious and in the air that Ashu will win it. I was surfing on their site and the collage has Nihaal and Ashu on one section with an obvious title. So I guess these two must have made it to the Top 2. Shambavi and whats her name...yeah Anmol...stuck gold with Bolly and Telly. Good luck to them. With Ranvijay, Ayushman, Bani, Shambavi and Anmol, I guess the next best way to hit the silver circuit is Roadies, after the beauty pageants! Ok, now this is for Raghu - you have made 5 editions and it has been a kick-ass effort. If at all you are making version 6, there definitely has to be a lot more difference than foreign locales and predictable vote-outs! I can't think of anything else, 'cuz if I were to do all that, then I would have been at MTV. Nevertheless, it is a damn good show and one of my favourites actually. In fact, the auditions are better than the actual series! Good show Raghu and team.
What else? Actually, as I am writing this, I am trying to figure out the central idea of this write up and it seems it actually is nothing. It is a baking 39 degrees on a humid Sunday afternoon that stole my siesta and has left me with a parched throat. And I can drink no more of my favourite potato juice (yeah, you read it right, they make it out of potatoes and label it Smirnoff or the Absolut) simply because there isn't any more left. I just don't like the nibbles anymore. Without the 'spirit', they taste like peppered cardboard pieces but yeah, I feel like being seated 2 inches above my chair. Well, that's the power of Smirn. That is the power of the spirit. This magical potion is an wonder-fluid. I wonder what they use as truth serum during investigations but if I have done this many times. During a lot of "juice-sessions" with friends, colleagues and 'me-toos', a lot gets thrown out. No, I aint talking about the puke, but the gyaan and gossip that Smirn generates. If you are smart enough, enjoy your drink and observe what goes on. That is the best place and time to read people's minds. You would know your friends, the nautankis, the bol-bachhans, the regulars, the first-timers, the chamchaas, the frustrated, the gossip mongers, the desperate lovers and the veiled. The next morning, these folks will be back to normal and behave as if they were the gatekeepers of peace.
You can have anyone as along as they do not belong to what I have defined as the 'veiled' category. They dunk a couple of milli-litres down their throat and out comes their elemental, hidden, unimaginable, outcast, ill-timed and frustrated personality. But it is fun. It is because of them, you can predict the future. Yeah, I am serious. You can predict for sure that you do not smirn with them the next time. Ha! Here's to my spirit. My magic spirt. That spirit that bares their soul.
Don't even wanna switch on the TV for now. The software these days is only nauseating with channels showing nothing but reality TV. Nah, nothing against reality shows, but TRP bosses, can we move away from song and music shows. The only good stuff seems to be coming out from Discovery and NGC. And then there is this grand prix and IPL. Zee Studio seems to have a good collection of movies and I love this newly launched World Movies. Roadies 5.0 is coming to an end and it is so obvious and in the air that Ashu will win it. I was surfing on their site and the collage has Nihaal and Ashu on one section with an obvious title. So I guess these two must have made it to the Top 2. Shambavi and whats her name...yeah Anmol...stuck gold with Bolly and Telly. Good luck to them. With Ranvijay, Ayushman, Bani, Shambavi and Anmol, I guess the next best way to hit the silver circuit is Roadies, after the beauty pageants! Ok, now this is for Raghu - you have made 5 editions and it has been a kick-ass effort. If at all you are making version 6, there definitely has to be a lot more difference than foreign locales and predictable vote-outs! I can't think of anything else, 'cuz if I were to do all that, then I would have been at MTV. Nevertheless, it is a damn good show and one of my favourites actually. In fact, the auditions are better than the actual series! Good show Raghu and team.
What else? Actually, as I am writing this, I am trying to figure out the central idea of this write up and it seems it actually is nothing. It is a baking 39 degrees on a humid Sunday afternoon that stole my siesta and has left me with a parched throat. And I can drink no more of my favourite potato juice (yeah, you read it right, they make it out of potatoes and label it Smirnoff or the Absolut) simply because there isn't any more left. I just don't like the nibbles anymore. Without the 'spirit', they taste like peppered cardboard pieces but yeah, I feel like being seated 2 inches above my chair. Well, that's the power of Smirn. That is the power of the spirit. This magical potion is an wonder-fluid. I wonder what they use as truth serum during investigations but if I have done this many times. During a lot of "juice-sessions" with friends, colleagues and 'me-toos', a lot gets thrown out. No, I aint talking about the puke, but the gyaan and gossip that Smirn generates. If you are smart enough, enjoy your drink and observe what goes on. That is the best place and time to read people's minds. You would know your friends, the nautankis, the bol-bachhans, the regulars, the first-timers, the chamchaas, the frustrated, the gossip mongers, the desperate lovers and the veiled. The next morning, these folks will be back to normal and behave as if they were the gatekeepers of peace.
You can have anyone as along as they do not belong to what I have defined as the 'veiled' category. They dunk a couple of milli-litres down their throat and out comes their elemental, hidden, unimaginable, outcast, ill-timed and frustrated personality. But it is fun. It is because of them, you can predict the future. Yeah, I am serious. You can predict for sure that you do not smirn with them the next time. Ha! Here's to my spirit. My magic spirt. That spirit that bares their soul.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
To be or knot to be!
Most of my friends around me are either married or going to be in the next half a dozen months. Just about a week ago, one of 'em was going to be a proud 'Papa-to-be'. He was googling for baby names. I was shitting in my pants for I know my time will come. I wanted to hum 'Heaven can wait', but I know hell wont!
And why do I feel such? I have been blessed with the best girl I can ever spend me life with. If luck may, I would want to be marooned with her on an desolate island with my Cessna crashed down a dune of rocks and I would not even sandprint for help to the scarcest eagles. So far so good, but whats next?!
I took me a jolly good 6 week interval to write the next line. And this is no publishable material. And if my Lady were to read this, it would be no more than gallows for me ;-p
So what could the reason be? Dunno that and I am ready to bet a million rupees that 98% of all the guys go through this. So I aint alone and thats a breather that its only normal. Maybe, this mellows in a couple of years but this is a fact.
Marriage...in-laws...kids...diapers...vaccination shots...eeew! If these were the scheme of things behind a marriage, I wonder how a "live-in" works. And why does it work (if it works, that is). There is the man and his lady (okay for all your fairer sex - there is the lady and her man...happy?!!) and there is their house around them...maybe their nosey neighbours (depends upon which part of the world they reside). So all in all, what I am trying to put forward is (in case you are already confused as I am), is this whole matrix of relationship management that comes to the fore when two people intending to spend life together come forward. And with whatever I have seen around me, it is a tough one like any other. Moreover, it also has a lot to do with the personality type. What holds true for me may be an absolute nonsense for a lot of people and vice versa.
But still, one day, may be 5 years from now all this will be routine and cool. I would probably be scoffing at this piece then along with my wife and may be my kid at my lap. And believe me you, given a chance, I would really want to scoff at this. Such is life! Phew.
And why do I feel such? I have been blessed with the best girl I can ever spend me life with. If luck may, I would want to be marooned with her on an desolate island with my Cessna crashed down a dune of rocks and I would not even sandprint for help to the scarcest eagles. So far so good, but whats next?!
I took me a jolly good 6 week interval to write the next line. And this is no publishable material. And if my Lady were to read this, it would be no more than gallows for me ;-p
So what could the reason be? Dunno that and I am ready to bet a million rupees that 98% of all the guys go through this. So I aint alone and thats a breather that its only normal. Maybe, this mellows in a couple of years but this is a fact.
Marriage...in-laws...kids...diapers...vaccination shots...eeew! If these were the scheme of things behind a marriage, I wonder how a "live-in" works. And why does it work (if it works, that is). There is the man and his lady (okay for all your fairer sex - there is the lady and her man...happy?!!) and there is their house around them...maybe their nosey neighbours (depends upon which part of the world they reside). So all in all, what I am trying to put forward is (in case you are already confused as I am), is this whole matrix of relationship management that comes to the fore when two people intending to spend life together come forward. And with whatever I have seen around me, it is a tough one like any other. Moreover, it also has a lot to do with the personality type. What holds true for me may be an absolute nonsense for a lot of people and vice versa.
But still, one day, may be 5 years from now all this will be routine and cool. I would probably be scoffing at this piece then along with my wife and may be my kid at my lap. And believe me you, given a chance, I would really want to scoff at this. Such is life! Phew.
Friday, December 07, 2007
Home 'Street' Home
Cut to the inners of a cargo company where the lone ray of sunlight filters in through the gaps in the asbestos roof to lighten up the darkest recesses. Roam around in an invisible garb and you will discover everyone with a smile on his or her face. These jolly folks seem to be very satisfied with life that they want no more, and all of them are very much indebted to this man who magically seems to have altered their life forever. Their acknowledgement and credit of their success and achievement revolve around this faceless personality to such an extent that the flow of biography begins from here. Each one of them take turns to explain his part of the story of their godfather, Ram Jaiswal who has been integral in building up a stature to which they belong to.
A story that carries all the strains of a ‘rags to riches’ theme is effortlessly portrayed by these young men who dream to be like Ram one day. A cascade of events in flashback follows to depict the life story of Ram and his valiant struggle efforts throughout; The story of a nondescript boy, who ran away from home because he was denied education. The boy who escaped the savages of a hardcore Mumbai, who resisted all the paths that could have led him to doing petty crimes and the underworld, went on to become an entrepreneur and employ individuals who had experienced how it feels growing up as street kids. Today, he is happily married with two kids and had adopted a girl from the streets. He in his capacity has tried to do something for this class of society that has often been looked by oppressive and scornful eyes.
But you just cannot escape the reality - the fate of various other street kids who do not grow up to be Ram Jaiswal – with reality shots and the society’s feigned ignorance to their plight, shots of someone harshly warding of an urchin who begs since he has not eaten for days, a street child who is into doing drugs just to escape the harsh realities of life, another who is exposed to the dangers of STDs and of course out Page 3 celebrities appealing ‘plastically’ to the public to make their contribution
A story that carries all the strains of a ‘rags to riches’ theme is effortlessly portrayed by these young men who dream to be like Ram one day. A cascade of events in flashback follows to depict the life story of Ram and his valiant struggle efforts throughout; The story of a nondescript boy, who ran away from home because he was denied education. The boy who escaped the savages of a hardcore Mumbai, who resisted all the paths that could have led him to doing petty crimes and the underworld, went on to become an entrepreneur and employ individuals who had experienced how it feels growing up as street kids. Today, he is happily married with two kids and had adopted a girl from the streets. He in his capacity has tried to do something for this class of society that has often been looked by oppressive and scornful eyes.
But you just cannot escape the reality - the fate of various other street kids who do not grow up to be Ram Jaiswal – with reality shots and the society’s feigned ignorance to their plight, shots of someone harshly warding of an urchin who begs since he has not eaten for days, a street child who is into doing drugs just to escape the harsh realities of life, another who is exposed to the dangers of STDs and of course out Page 3 celebrities appealing ‘plastically’ to the public to make their contribution
Die-tanic!!
Some souls come together to build a liner, name it ‘Titanic’ and claim that it shall never sink. And it sinks and makes news that is etched as one of the horrible sea disasters of the century. Armed with this fact, almost ninety years later, someone interweaves a tragic love story between two beings who probably would never have met in their whole blissful lives and makes a film and it goes on win the greatest accolades to be won. Absolutely pristine and nothing to be changed, it is almost certain that Cameron himself would have changed nothing, if at all he were given all the money needed to make that masterpiece again. Although this would entirely be different news that, if at all the film were to be made in Hindi, Jack would have been Jagga and Rose would have been Gulabo; Alka Yagnik would have sung instead of Celine Dion.
So when it comes to so much that you are made to stand along dire straits, and some wise guys across the pipe hang a bait, not only is it freaky but I feel like going on air prime time and shout live, ‘Hey Mr. Cameron, you now have competition’ and just for the sake of pulling out some loose wires, I shall make a rule book called ‘The Titanic Ten Pointer Rule Book with the help of which ‘smarty pants’ inner voice says that I can cook this up.
1. ‘Corsets are not fashionable any more except in case of an injury. Unintentional ‘close encounters’ may be a hindrance’.
2. The Titanic measures almost nine storeys in height and it has been fitted with whale slicing rotors. Falling from such a height is similar to falling head-on a concrete ground. Even if you escape unhurt, those rotors will take care of you. Think before attempting a suicide ‘Am I the child of the lesser God to die such a death? It is really pathetic when no one is around.
3. ‘No standing on the deck especially with partners. Spreading arms is strictly prohibited’.
4. ‘No spitting in the ocean. Plainclothes Greenpeace activists aboard the ship may prohibit you from future voyages’ for such inexplicable behaviour.’
5. ‘Voyeurism (under the pretext of art) is strictly prohibited. No painting nude women. You are no Da Vinci and don’t act as one, even if you used to sell your paintings at the evening markets for ten bucks a piece’.
6. ‘No sex in the cargo area especially inside cars marked for shipment; Automobile companies have all the right to sue you for the mess.’
7. ‘Contraceptives could be of great help if you ever leave on a long voyage. You shall also at least attempt to clean yourself after the ‘act’.’
8. ‘No kissing in public (except in case of emergency mouth to mouth resuscitation). You can be booked for criminal charges relating to intentional activity to cause purposeful distraction of people on duty and thus triggering endangerment to the lives of your co-passengers’.
9. ‘You shall share the life saving equipment in any form among your co-passengers irrespective of their gender, for equal interval of time periodically in case of emergency and shall not act selfish, until rescue arrives’.
10. ‘You shall not act as a nincompoop as to throw away precious stones in to the ocean. Vaults are a better place to store them and you shall be rich any time’.
Here are these pointers that can really distort and skew the original story to such a dimension that no one would actually not want to have a look at this pickle.
So for the concession, I can only relax the pointers numbered one, three, five, six, seven and eight. Go ahead and enjoy the trip with Rose or Gulabo aboard the Titanic. But be sure to reach the other end safely. Tuck or slip in a solar powered non de-flat able satellite navigated foldable boat with space for two and other provisions in to the ship. (Hey wait, am I scripting for 007!!) Use it in case of an emergency; save your sweat heart and yourself and live happily ever after.
But I wonder, that if the engineers ever had a slightest inkling of that fact that the ship may in some probability pose a huge risk as it did to its passengers, ‘Die-tanic’ would have sounded better!!
So when it comes to so much that you are made to stand along dire straits, and some wise guys across the pipe hang a bait, not only is it freaky but I feel like going on air prime time and shout live, ‘Hey Mr. Cameron, you now have competition’ and just for the sake of pulling out some loose wires, I shall make a rule book called ‘The Titanic Ten Pointer Rule Book with the help of which ‘smarty pants’ inner voice says that I can cook this up.
1. ‘Corsets are not fashionable any more except in case of an injury. Unintentional ‘close encounters’ may be a hindrance’.
2. The Titanic measures almost nine storeys in height and it has been fitted with whale slicing rotors. Falling from such a height is similar to falling head-on a concrete ground. Even if you escape unhurt, those rotors will take care of you. Think before attempting a suicide ‘Am I the child of the lesser God to die such a death? It is really pathetic when no one is around.
3. ‘No standing on the deck especially with partners. Spreading arms is strictly prohibited’.
4. ‘No spitting in the ocean. Plainclothes Greenpeace activists aboard the ship may prohibit you from future voyages’ for such inexplicable behaviour.’
5. ‘Voyeurism (under the pretext of art) is strictly prohibited. No painting nude women. You are no Da Vinci and don’t act as one, even if you used to sell your paintings at the evening markets for ten bucks a piece’.
6. ‘No sex in the cargo area especially inside cars marked for shipment; Automobile companies have all the right to sue you for the mess.’
7. ‘Contraceptives could be of great help if you ever leave on a long voyage. You shall also at least attempt to clean yourself after the ‘act’.’
8. ‘No kissing in public (except in case of emergency mouth to mouth resuscitation). You can be booked for criminal charges relating to intentional activity to cause purposeful distraction of people on duty and thus triggering endangerment to the lives of your co-passengers’.
9. ‘You shall share the life saving equipment in any form among your co-passengers irrespective of their gender, for equal interval of time periodically in case of emergency and shall not act selfish, until rescue arrives’.
10. ‘You shall not act as a nincompoop as to throw away precious stones in to the ocean. Vaults are a better place to store them and you shall be rich any time’.
Here are these pointers that can really distort and skew the original story to such a dimension that no one would actually not want to have a look at this pickle.
So for the concession, I can only relax the pointers numbered one, three, five, six, seven and eight. Go ahead and enjoy the trip with Rose or Gulabo aboard the Titanic. But be sure to reach the other end safely. Tuck or slip in a solar powered non de-flat able satellite navigated foldable boat with space for two and other provisions in to the ship. (Hey wait, am I scripting for 007!!) Use it in case of an emergency; save your sweat heart and yourself and live happily ever after.
But I wonder, that if the engineers ever had a slightest inkling of that fact that the ship may in some probability pose a huge risk as it did to its passengers, ‘Die-tanic’ would have sounded better!!
Bus kya!!
The rain clouds gather for one more pouring. Shanta has to quickly do away with her chores. Cursing the rain, she washes the utensils. Every time it rains for a couple of hours, the adjacent nallah overflows to her shanty and it stinks really badly. Her mumblings fade against the gruesome noise of the Borivilli local.
Ever since Ganpat, her husband died in a mill accident, she makes her end meet by working as a maid. Her only son Krishna whom she affectionately calls ‘Balya’ is not home yet. She murmurs ‘Chatri bhi nahin lekar gaya’. Rain drops playfully dance on the surface of the water stored in the leaking pail.
Balya has to find some work now. He has to support his aging mother. He has been an average student and he gleefully says ‘HSC pass’ to every one who enquires about his educational status. He knows he has to earn some money. The money that comes in won’t suffice. Rent or ‘bhada’ as Jagga says, has to be paid every month for the portion of the slum they occupy. They used to stay up in the worker’s quarters prior to Ganpat’s death.
Jagdam or Jagga as his people call him is the local ‘daada’ with strong local political connections. Some of the local traders insist that sometimes he extorts money under the disguise of festival celebration. But come fire or storm, he is the messiah.
The rain has finally decreased to a drizzle and today the nallah has not overflowed. This has saved her pain of cleaning her place. Just then, Balya rushes inside with a cut out of the local evening paper. He is dripping and his clothes stick on to his body. Shanta starts to dry his hair using her pallu. ‘Aur bheeg, bheemar ho gaya, toh daacter ko deena ke liye paise nahin hain mere paas.’
Balya showing the newspaper cut out, replies ‘Paise nahin, Rupaiye aayenge. The cut out is actually a recruitment drive on behalf of BEST, Mumbai city’s public transport service, seeking drivers. They seem to rejoice for a moment that there actually is light at the end of the tunnel. But Shanta sighs ‘Par apna pahunch nahin hain’. Balya is quick to react ‘Jagga!!’.
The next morning, Jagga comes for his monthly collection, and that is when Shanta asks him for help. Jagga at his usual panache is assertive. ‘Bade sahib ko kharcha paani dena padega’. Shanta agrees and the deal is made.
Within two months, an appointment cum training letter from BEST finds it way to Shanta’s kholi. New uniforms stiched and Balya is now a BEST driver, a government employee. You should see the sparkle is Shanta’s eyes. Now her only dream is to see Balya married.
She’s all of praise for Jagga, who is at his modest best to ensure that everything happened according to His will.
A few months in to training, Balya receives a progress card and confirmation letter announcing that he has been posted on Route. 405.
Pedas are distributed and Shanta claims ‘asli ghee se bane hain’. The next morning on the first day of his actual job, Shanta performs a puja. Balya seeks blessings from his late father and leaves for his new job. ‘Chalta hoon,maai. He calls her ‘maai and today it felt as he was leaving on a long journey. She sends him off with a satisfied teary eyed look.
It is dusk and she’s awaiting Balya. Just then, Pandey the neigbourhood grocery owner yells that there has been a bomb blast in a Mumbai bus. Shanta’s heart misses a beat. She begins to tremble. More news flows in. ‘Route 405’, ‘40 killed, including driver’. The world in front of her blackens and Shanta collapses to the ground.
Jagga looks skywards and sighs ‘Bus kya!!’. There is no answer.
Ever since Ganpat, her husband died in a mill accident, she makes her end meet by working as a maid. Her only son Krishna whom she affectionately calls ‘Balya’ is not home yet. She murmurs ‘Chatri bhi nahin lekar gaya’. Rain drops playfully dance on the surface of the water stored in the leaking pail.
Balya has to find some work now. He has to support his aging mother. He has been an average student and he gleefully says ‘HSC pass’ to every one who enquires about his educational status. He knows he has to earn some money. The money that comes in won’t suffice. Rent or ‘bhada’ as Jagga says, has to be paid every month for the portion of the slum they occupy. They used to stay up in the worker’s quarters prior to Ganpat’s death.
Jagdam or Jagga as his people call him is the local ‘daada’ with strong local political connections. Some of the local traders insist that sometimes he extorts money under the disguise of festival celebration. But come fire or storm, he is the messiah.
The rain has finally decreased to a drizzle and today the nallah has not overflowed. This has saved her pain of cleaning her place. Just then, Balya rushes inside with a cut out of the local evening paper. He is dripping and his clothes stick on to his body. Shanta starts to dry his hair using her pallu. ‘Aur bheeg, bheemar ho gaya, toh daacter ko deena ke liye paise nahin hain mere paas.’
Balya showing the newspaper cut out, replies ‘Paise nahin, Rupaiye aayenge. The cut out is actually a recruitment drive on behalf of BEST, Mumbai city’s public transport service, seeking drivers. They seem to rejoice for a moment that there actually is light at the end of the tunnel. But Shanta sighs ‘Par apna pahunch nahin hain’. Balya is quick to react ‘Jagga!!’.
The next morning, Jagga comes for his monthly collection, and that is when Shanta asks him for help. Jagga at his usual panache is assertive. ‘Bade sahib ko kharcha paani dena padega’. Shanta agrees and the deal is made.
Within two months, an appointment cum training letter from BEST finds it way to Shanta’s kholi. New uniforms stiched and Balya is now a BEST driver, a government employee. You should see the sparkle is Shanta’s eyes. Now her only dream is to see Balya married.
She’s all of praise for Jagga, who is at his modest best to ensure that everything happened according to His will.
A few months in to training, Balya receives a progress card and confirmation letter announcing that he has been posted on Route. 405.
Pedas are distributed and Shanta claims ‘asli ghee se bane hain’. The next morning on the first day of his actual job, Shanta performs a puja. Balya seeks blessings from his late father and leaves for his new job. ‘Chalta hoon,maai. He calls her ‘maai and today it felt as he was leaving on a long journey. She sends him off with a satisfied teary eyed look.
It is dusk and she’s awaiting Balya. Just then, Pandey the neigbourhood grocery owner yells that there has been a bomb blast in a Mumbai bus. Shanta’s heart misses a beat. She begins to tremble. More news flows in. ‘Route 405’, ‘40 killed, including driver’. The world in front of her blackens and Shanta collapses to the ground.
Jagga looks skywards and sighs ‘Bus kya!!’. There is no answer.
“When you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go”!!
The mercury was adamant and kept rising. Just when I thought it would rain for good, another bead of my body sap rolled down by my left cheek. I was working hard and so were my sweat glands. These things just happen to me. Every time.
SSC&B was at lunch, RSCG asked for an appointment letter and Abhijeet was busy with Piyush. Flies played touch and go at the O&M lounge and the Monitron guard wore the ‘You’re irritating me’ look. It began to get on my nerves and I moved out.
“There’s just one more” I said, as I walked. The bight yellow Publicis lion stared me right in the eye. But something else commanded my attention. I shifted my frame to a gleaming red monstrous 4 X 4 neatly parked under the tarpaulin roof. It roared ‘Toyota on steroids’ and consolations cried ‘Not everyone’s Bharat Dhabolkar!!’
At the Publicis waiting area, thanks to the cool air the air con was throwing, sweat pores began to close. There I was, not even with my resume to probably meet the creative director and to coax him to keep me as a trainee writer. Just for the occasion you may call it the exuberance of youth but that‘s the way it was.
The beautiful lady at the desk was kind enough to give the CD a call. Minutes later, the CD sprinted down the stairs. Pleasantries were exchanged; points made, advices galore and shortcomings were realized. And then the copy test was offered. A piece of paper with questions whose solution would land me as a trainee in the Creative Department.
Even as I sit at my desk racking my brain for ideas to compose a story involving a gamut of things from a yellow MIG 29 to a bicycle with a flat tyre, from Madhuri Dixit to Dhirubhai’s nephew, to ostriches and masala dosas, only thing I can hear someone saying is “When you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go”!!
SSC&B was at lunch, RSCG asked for an appointment letter and Abhijeet was busy with Piyush. Flies played touch and go at the O&M lounge and the Monitron guard wore the ‘You’re irritating me’ look. It began to get on my nerves and I moved out.
“There’s just one more” I said, as I walked. The bight yellow Publicis lion stared me right in the eye. But something else commanded my attention. I shifted my frame to a gleaming red monstrous 4 X 4 neatly parked under the tarpaulin roof. It roared ‘Toyota on steroids’ and consolations cried ‘Not everyone’s Bharat Dhabolkar!!’
At the Publicis waiting area, thanks to the cool air the air con was throwing, sweat pores began to close. There I was, not even with my resume to probably meet the creative director and to coax him to keep me as a trainee writer. Just for the occasion you may call it the exuberance of youth but that‘s the way it was.
The beautiful lady at the desk was kind enough to give the CD a call. Minutes later, the CD sprinted down the stairs. Pleasantries were exchanged; points made, advices galore and shortcomings were realized. And then the copy test was offered. A piece of paper with questions whose solution would land me as a trainee in the Creative Department.
Even as I sit at my desk racking my brain for ideas to compose a story involving a gamut of things from a yellow MIG 29 to a bicycle with a flat tyre, from Madhuri Dixit to Dhirubhai’s nephew, to ostriches and masala dosas, only thing I can hear someone saying is “When you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go”!!
The mind things a million thinks! (sic)
All work and no play make Raj a dull boy. So let’s play a game. Clues shall follow about a thing to which you shall be making a guess in an attempt to find the thing, I am talking about. So here goes:
Clue 1: It usually sells by the dozen. Unbelievable it may sound, but I have come across a vendor selling a real bad pack for 50 paise a dozen.
Clue 2: It is long, curves out a bit, hard at times. (Pervert minds, withdraw all your attempts)
Clue 3: It has to be peeled before use. Some animals do not go through this procedure.
Clue 4: It comes in an amazing range of variety (sub species) and is a main produce of sub tropical climates that includes south Asian and south American regions.
Clue 5: It is a powerhouse of vitamins and is used by sportspersons for instant energy.
Clue 6: It is probably among the rarest of things that cannot be refrigerated. (Some things are not cut out for good things in life)
Ah! I never thought I could make life this tough for some one by playing a simple game like this. Okay, request accepted. A breather now:
Clue 7: Guys, it is a FRUIT!!! And yes we are not talking about cucumbers here.
Clue 8: This one could liven things up. Some ladies of ‘that genre’ use it to relieve their carnal pleasures. That’s it. Censored.
Clue 9: Some dependent states in Central America are called after this fruit!!
And for the record, you local ‘teleh-wallah’ could have won this round easily for this many number of clues. Just because, this is running long enough to beat a 100 overs cricket match, I think I should give the answer.
Answer: It is the banana. (Canned Sighs)
Clue 1: It usually sells by the dozen. Unbelievable it may sound, but I have come across a vendor selling a real bad pack for 50 paise a dozen.
Clue 2: It is long, curves out a bit, hard at times. (Pervert minds, withdraw all your attempts)
Clue 3: It has to be peeled before use. Some animals do not go through this procedure.
Clue 4: It comes in an amazing range of variety (sub species) and is a main produce of sub tropical climates that includes south Asian and south American regions.
Clue 5: It is a powerhouse of vitamins and is used by sportspersons for instant energy.
Clue 6: It is probably among the rarest of things that cannot be refrigerated. (Some things are not cut out for good things in life)
Ah! I never thought I could make life this tough for some one by playing a simple game like this. Okay, request accepted. A breather now:
Clue 7: Guys, it is a FRUIT!!! And yes we are not talking about cucumbers here.
Clue 8: This one could liven things up. Some ladies of ‘that genre’ use it to relieve their carnal pleasures. That’s it. Censored.
Clue 9: Some dependent states in Central America are called after this fruit!!
And for the record, you local ‘teleh-wallah’ could have won this round easily for this many number of clues. Just because, this is running long enough to beat a 100 overs cricket match, I think I should give the answer.
Answer: It is the banana. (Canned Sighs)
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